Just now finding this web site and have enjoyed reading the comments. I've never written down my story and it could be a Jerry Springer episode but here goes.
I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness from as early as I can remember. After highschool, I went to a 2 year technical college since 4 year institutions were frowned upon. I worked part time, became a regular pioneer, MS then elder and did enter Bethel service at WTF in the mid 80s. Even though I was still a virgin, I knew deep down that I was attracted to men. Being at Bethel with all of these clean cut, young, testosterone filled young workers was torture for me. If my secret ever became known, I was sure to be kicked out and DFd. I spent 5 years there, working my butt off and secretly lusting after some of the guys there. There actually were some very attractive guys there. I never had a sexual experience there but a close friend of mine who I think suspected I had a crush on him would sit on the front row when I had a talk or service meeting part and he would wink at me. It was confusing to me but I never acted on it thinking it was a trap.
I left Bethel service after 5 years for the main reason of I knew I was gay and I was wasting my time if I wanted to live my life. Plus going to bed with blue balls every night was tough as JWs frowned on masturbation too. I came back home and continued to pioneer and my parents pressed me on the marriage issue. I did not want to marry as I knew I was gay but I thought maybe marrying a female would cure me.
I found a nice sister that Ive known as a friend for years we began dating and got married. My 1st time having sex with anyone was on my honeymoon night. I was so lost. I didn't know what to do but somehow managed. Our marriage didn't last very long for a couple of reasons. 1st our parents pressured us into getting married, 2nd reason is I really wanted to be with a man and 3rd - she really wanted to be with a woman. Yep Jerry Springer show!! We divorced and she is happy with her wife and I am incredibly happy with my husband of 10 years now. He encouraged me to go back and finish my education. I finished my Bachelors and Masters degrees thanks to his encouragement. I celebrated my 1st birthday and Christmas ever with him. Of course my parents don't talk to me because I am gay and DFd. His parents don't speak to him because he's white and married a non-white. Crazy right?
We are so happy and free now!!!!!